Tending The Bar

Byron is beautiful, fun, and the friendliest place I’ve ever been. It’s a small town you can walk in 15 minutes, but in that time you’re bumping into at least three people you know. I’ve never been part of a small town before and I have to say I’m really enjoying it. Working at the local watering hole I serve beers to many of the locals. I’m not sure I’ve mentioned my job in the blog yet, but yes! I have a job bartending – a little career change for the time being. I am picking it up and learning how to mix cocktails, turn down service to riley patrons, and close up shop at night (or morning, really).

It’s a huge bar/hotel with a front bar as well as a back bar where shows are held a few times a week. The back bar can fit 500 people and it’s the venue where the big names play when they come to Byron – or so I’m told. Most of the staff are Aussies or New Zealanders, but there are two sisters from Los Angeles! It’s rare to find Americans in Australia, and I am working with two! I’m hoping we can throw together a mediocre Thanksgiving later in the week.

My favorite part of the job has got to be all the live music. Almost every night there’s either a great local acoustic performance or a touring band playing in the back bar. I get the great honor of serving them beers when they’re done and it’s so fun learning about how they got their start, where they’ve been and what they’ll do next. A few weekends ago there was a salsa dancing class, followed by a live salsa band playing all night long. There were sweaty couples dancing all night and they were amazing to watch. Now I want to go to Buenos Aires.

I am now a master beer dispenser and can mix well drinks with the best of them. Cocktails still take me a minute, and with Schoolies coming up I’ll have to get faster. Tonight marks the start of Schoolies and two weeks of adolescent nightmare for most people over the age of 25. Schoolies refers to a two-week period at the end of high school when the graduated seniors all go on vacation and get trashed by the beach (the American equivalent is “Spring Break, woo-hoo!”). The bars and nightclubs will be flooded with 18-19 year-olds for the next few days and it will be barely tolerable. Bad tippers, they are.

It’s not only impossible to have a conversation in a bar, but with drunk people and then you throw accents into the mix and I’m completely lost. Here’s the typical conversation between myself and a bar patron:

“What would you like?”

“A pot of Coopers. What’s that accent, girl – you Canadian?”

“American.”

“From California?”

“No, Seattle actually.”

“Seattle, no way! Grunge music! Yeah, I love grunge…Nirvana, Pearl Jam…”

“Yeah, the 90’s were pretty great. Cheers!”

Ten minutes later I usually hear a bellowing from the end of the bar:

“Hey Seattle, do you like grunge music?!” And so on.

I actually like this for many reasons. One: people are grand admirers of my city and its grunge music. Two: Seattle is cool, let’s face it, and I don’t mind being referred to as a city. Although some poor souls have asked if Seattle is north of New York on the east coast, oh dear.

I also love the "No Bullshit" approach to customer service in Australia. A few samples for your enjoyment: 

Problem One: A patron asks for the air conditioning to be turned on in the back.

Solution: "Tell them to f$%# off. Yeah, I'll turn it on in a minute."

Problem Two: I give incorrect change to a woman who ordered a Wild Turkey. I apologize and correct the change, but she continues to stand there, wallet open, loudly accusing me of stiffing her again. The whole end of the bar is now involved. 

Solution: Grab Security (if only I could do this every time I have a life problem), who informs me next time this happens, give her money back, grab the Wild Turkey and pour it out in front of her face, urging her to select another bar to bother. Awesome.

Picnic at Clarkes Beach

Our beautiful jungle patio

It’s impossible to tell where one day ends and another begins. Two lifestyle factors contribute to this: one, being a bartender makes you a vampire where you work at night and sleep during the day and two, there is essentially no routine at all. Every day is a mixture of work, surfing, socializing, eating and sleeping and it all happens at different times every day. Thus, while the past few weeks have been a blur, they have also been eternity and I feel for once like there’s endless time stretching before me. This is quite a refreshing feeling and one I never got working a 9-5 job full of stress and deadlines and other commitments that measure the days/weeks/months to the point you physically feel the passing of time.

Life here is simple, delightfully small and social. Evidenced by the fact that everyone here takes the time to roll their own cigarettes. And there are grills in most of the public parks where people have picnics every day! We’re talking about nice, built-in stainless steel electric grills, not a hunk of metal that requires charcoal and hours of heating. Everything about Australia urges you to hang with your mates, chillax and enjoy your life.